tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC August 7, 2015 11:35pm-12:38am EDT
>> jimmy: thank you for watching. thank you for all of you for coming. and spending your evening with us. we are coming to you from hollywood on a warm summer night. summer is the best, it really is. unless you have a job where you work on a roof, summer is the top season of, summer is to the four seasons what frankie valley is to the four seasons. a little joke for the older folks. this is something that one of our viewers sent me. have you ever gone on google street view. you go on google. most people type in their own address to see what their house looks like i guess. this person did a street view search for our theater here on hollywood boulevard. it would seem that the birds got to the camera. ha-ha-ha. they say thats say pezzed to be good luck. i don't think it is. remember angry birds? the reason -- none of us have any memories at all from the year 2009?
well the highly anticipated sequel to that game, angry birds 2 was releaseded to day. i have to say about time. the other day i was forced to throw a seagull at a wall. the original game was hugely popular, made many millions of dollars. you would think all that success would have made the bird happy, but apparently it has the not. they're still very, very angry. so much so that, they had to have a second game. anger is very hot nowadays. rage is all the rage right now. and as a result of that, donald trump is still leading all republican candidates for president. that's right. i'm sure there is a mix of reasons you are applauding. new university poll which of all the major polls is the hardest to pronounce has trump ahead of wisconsin governor scott walker a lot. 20% to 13%. jeb bush is now done to third frlt while donald trump leads the republican field by a wide
margin. right now he seems unelectable. the same poll shows him losing to hillary clinton by 12 points. losing to joe biden, 12 points. by 8 points to bernie sanders. and five points behind bill cosby. donald trump talks about a lot of things. something you should weigh in on. at university of new hampshire the state where the first primary is held. students and staff members developed a bias free language guide. this is a guide to encourage people to speak without owe fengd other. >> senator jeb bradley among those outraged by what is called a bias free language guide on the unh website. a glossary of sorts. here are a few examples. instead of senior citizen the preferred language is people of advanced age. instead of overweight or obese, the pc term is people of size. describing some one as rich doesn't work either.
instead a person of material wealth. the term american, replaced by u.s. citizen or resident. >> well, you know i have been wondering when it will happen. mark it on your calendars. we have officially gone too far. from now on, just be quiet all the time. do not refer to anyone in any way. guillermo, i want you to know this will be the last time we speak without an attorney present. >> okay. >> jimmy: good by my little person of size whose country of origin is none of mine or anyone's business. from now on we will communicate only through nods, okay? very good. any body planning to see the new "mission impossible" movie. mission impossible rogue nation opens tomorrow. the fifth movie in the "mission impossible" franchise. starting to think the mission is possible. four times in a row now, probably for a fifth. here's an interesting fact about tom cruise.
i did not know this. tom cruise has run more miles in his movies than i have run in my entire real life. the movie is getting very good reviews. but as regular viewers of our show know there is only one reviewer's opinion that matters, that of our pal yaya, no one knows the movies and stars like yaya. he is back tonight with his take on "mission impossible rogue nation." hi, it's me, yaya. i am talking about the summer movie. the movie behind me, mission number seven. tom cruise. it's called rogue antonio. rogue antonio. >> he is going to abort. >> abort now. >> the guy that make the movie for, for matt damon, the other guy with him, this guy, i ask him because i look to take fresh
picture. tom cruise, very, very good actor. and i got lot of pictures with him. he is big. he makes movies. you know the one bull human, and make like the military with kooba junyon. toby mcguire something like that. and tom cruise do it. it is called -- i give him a souvenir with vanilla cruz. god bless you, tom. good luck with the movie. you too, guy. go watch the movie. and good luck. >> yehya, he's done his best work yet. >> jimmy: speak movies. today is an important day in hollywood. arnold schwarzenegger's birthday today. arnold is 68 years old.
tonight we invited a fifth grader, luke, to pay tribute to our austrian adonis. luke, come on out. here's luke. [ cheers and applause ] >> hello, everybody. i am arnold schwarzenegger. and today i turn 68 years old. [ cheers and applause ] hasta la vista, 67! i started off as a bodybuilder. and then i got to be an actor. and then i got to be the governor of california.
[ cheers and applause ] isn't that crazy? yes, it is crazy. well, i have to go now. but i'll be back. get to the chopper! >> jimmy: there you go. the governor has a ponytail. all right. thank you, luke. 68 really its the cutest age isn't it? one more thing, it is thursday night. time to beep and blur the big tv moments of the week, whether they need it or not. it is this week in unnecessary censorship. >> off her hit album, here is nicky with [ bleep ] myself. >> i didn't realize how happy i was until i [ bleep ] your
daughter. >> two [ bleep ] a day is a mediocre day. i often take three [ bleep ] a day. one in the morning, one after the gym, one at night. i may have to [ bleep ] after this. >> new york senator charles shirm schumer is [ bleep ] himself. >> if you never met him before. he has one of the biggest [ bleep ]. and he [ bleep ] two of the most incredible [ bleep ]. >> it is taking so long to [ bleep ] that hole. >> from a couple days ago. what happened. >> [ bleep ]. >> i [ bleep ]. >> i want you to know the best way to describe my [ bleep ] is unique. i can't think of another word. it is to bleunique in every way. and i have fingerprints all over my [ bleep ] by those who
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello again. welcome back. the intermission is over. please take your seats because it's time to play "name that thing." [ cheers and applause ] that's right. >> jimmy: first let's meet our contestants. originally from ryan, new york, he has a new movie called "the gift." say hello to jason bateman! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome, welcome to
our game. next, from right here in sunny california, her new tv show is called "candidly nicole." nicole richie! nicole! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome, nicole. thank you for coming and thanks to both of you for putting your reputations on the line here. the object of this game is very simple. we will reveal a thing and it's your job to name it. it's quite easy. you have ten seconds per thing. when you know what the thing is, write it down. jason has his pen ready already. correct answer, 50 points. correct-ish answer, 10 points. incorrect answer, 0 points and you bring shame on your families. are you ready to do this? >> yeah. >> ish does count? >> jimmy: ish does count. >> i got a lot of money on me, jimmy. >> jimmy: that's what makes this the game so great. you understand the rules now? let's play "name that thing." here we go. our first thing is -- this
object is our first thing. your job is to name it. >> don't you copy. >> okay, i'm not! >> jimmy: nicole already cheating. you only have 10 seconds. nicole is cheating now, i see that for sure. >> no, i am not. >> jimmy: we are going to go to nicole. what is your answer? nicole? >> yes? >> jimmy: nicole cheated off of you. a liquor glass surprise. no, that is not what it is. jason? >> can i now change my answer? >> jimmy: no, it is not a liquor dispenser. it is a barometer. a barometer like we hear about on the weather. >> that's why our weather reporting in this city so is bad. >> jimmy: no points for each of you. we did learn nicole has a tendency to cheat. so jason i suggest you hide your answers. she did look at yours -- >> no, i did not. >> jimmy: yes, you did.
our next thing is -- what is this thing? ten seconds on the clock. looks kind of dirty. but it isn't. all right. we're going to lock in our answers. jason is finishing up. >> here it is. >> jimmy: we'll go to you first. name that thing. mike tyson's first medal. it does look like little wooden boxing gloves. but that is not what it is. no points for jason. nicole, name that thing. nicole says it is thanksgiving balls. >> both very close, i'll bet. >> jimmy: no, neither. those are castanets. the instrument, the musical instrument. >> do it one more time? >> jimmy: no, let's not do it again. >> do it one more time. >> jimmy: let's rotate the waul and name the next thing. what is this?
>> oh, i think i got that. >> jimmy: oh, well, i just realized its name is right on the front. [ laughter ] >> i can't see it. >> jimmy: a flaw in the game show. nicole is again cheating off you. but i guess it doesn't really matter. nicole, you go first. name that thing, nicole. >> we'll split the 10 points. >> jimmy: nicole says it is an etherwave surprise. no. it's an etherwave thingish. no it says right there. the brand is etherwave. it is a theriman, a musical instrument. ♪ ♪ >> boy, break out the castannettes and you've got a song. >> jimmy: we've got a band, yeah. no points for either of our contestants. this is going poorly. >> no surprise for low score? >> jimmy: name this thing. you don't even have a score to
have a low score. let's rotate the wall. and name this. name this thing. here we go. it is a thing. jason's written something. nicole? do you have a guess as to what it is? jason, we will go to you first since you seem to have something written down. >> here's -- i had trouble with my pen. >> jimmy: pen trouble? it opens something. i'm going to give you 10 points for that. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nicole? name that thing. nicole says it is a red tip surprise. and nicole, i'm just -- just for the next one i'm going to inform you that there are two rs in the world surprise. >> not together. >> not together.
jason, you have the lead. let's name our final thing. name that thing. not the aquarium itself, but rather, that thing right there in the aquarium. it does have a name. and we'd like you to name it. >> mm, mm, mm. >> our time is now up. >> there's not even time to uncap the pen. >> jimmy: some people come with their pens uncapped. >> still looking at it. >> jimmy: jason, name that thing. >> we can edit this out if it's insensitive, right? >> jimmy: absolutely, yes. clay aiken's piece. [ laughter ] >> his hair? oh, his hairpiece. >> yeah. >> jimmy: all right. >> that's pretty good. >> jimmy: jason hasn't seen tv in a while. nicole. >> 2 1/2 points for spelling it? >> jimmy: a sea urchin -- that's pretty close, that's a sea anemone. we have a tie game.
we have a tie game, 10 points apiece. it's time for our sudden death round. >> playoff. >> jimmy: i will give you a category. i know this is going to go great. you have 30 seconds to name as many things in the category as you can. are you ready? >> yes. >> jimmy: the category is dinosaurs. >> oh, boy. >> jimmy: dinosaurs. 30 seconds to name as many dinosaurs as you possibly can. people right now going through their element carry school education, their mental rolodexs, trying to remember those dinosaurs we love so much at children and we forgot about as adults, really. there's a big one that everyone knows. there's that one with that weird horny type of thing on its head. time is running out. as many things as you can. nicole is on fire over there. and our time is up. finish it up. and jason, go ahead. >> hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! still writing! >> i'm done!
>> jimmy: while she's finishing we have what, brontosaurus -- those are five. well done. five for jason. nicole? brontosaurus, t-rex -- what does that say? >> i don't know but it starts with a "d." then its face comes out and it spits green and it paralyzes you before it attacks you. >> jimmy: i'm sorry, that seems like a lot of bull [ bleep ]. jason, congratulations. you have named that thing. guillermo. bring him his prize. you know what the prize is? do you recognize that? >> i can use that too. >> jimmy: that's a neti pot for jason bateman, everybody. thanks for playing. tonight on the show, music from stephen marley, nicole richie is here. we'll be right back with jason bateman, so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy
kimmel live" are brought to you by "friends of the people." thursdays on trutv. for more go to trutv.com. ♪ as simple as do-re-mi ♪ a-b-c, 1-2-3 baby you and me ♪ 1-2-3 baby you and me, yeah it's easy to get it all, big and small at target.com ♪ i'm gonna teach you how to sing it out ♪ ♪ come on, come on, come on, come let me tell you what it's all about. ♪ ♪ong: rachel platten "fight song" two million, four hundred thirty-four thousand, three hundred eleven people in this city. and only one me. ♪ i'll take those odds. ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight we've got her very own tv show on vh1 "candidly nicole," nicole richie is with us. later another musical offspring and eight-time grammy winner with music from this big box set, bob marley and the wailers, complete island records collector's edition, stephen marley from the samsung stage. [ cheers and applause ] all the lps. could only imagine what kind of a cigarette one would spark up with a lighter of this magnitude. why, you'd have to roll it in a blanket. our first guest tonight is a terrific actor who we all like a lot but i feel like we don't express it as much as we should. his new movie is a psychological thriller "the gift." it opens in theaters a week from tomorrow. please welcome jason bateman!
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you look very dapper. >> thank you. i like that you don't think people express it enough. >> jimmy: i do, i do. because i tell you something. and i don't want to embarrass you. >> it doesn't happen at my house. >> jimmy: i have been a fan of yours since you were on that sitcom "it's your move" where you were the terrible little boy. you remember that? >> no. >> jimmy: i know, but i do. >> they're not expressing it right now. i like that show too. that was a lot of fun. >> jimmy: it was a really good show. >> you and i were at an age where we couldn't drive yet. watching tv on the weekends is really all we had. we had three channels. so it was a big deal. >> jimmy: you were on the tv whereas i was sitting there watching you so it as big difference. when you were a kid, were you outgoing, the center of attention?
>> i was pretty -- yeah pretty outgoing. my 8-year-old's kind of like that. i've got two girls. the 8-year-old's hammy as i was at that age. we like to make people laugh and we're kind of problems for the teachers. >> jimmy: i see. >> i think she got that from me. the 2-year-old will get there i'm sure. >> jimmy: she will get there. she's not like that now? >> no, because she doesn't know how to construct a really annoying sentence yet. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] >> she's kind of got the first half and the second half just is kind of accidentally sweet. she'll learn how to put a tooth in it. >> jimmy: all right, good. you never seemed to me like --fy met you outside of whatever show business, you wouldn't seem like you'd be a guy who was at all interested. you're a very funny guy but not fun at all. not a fun person. [ laughter ] >> well. you should have seen me, you know, 20 years ago. >> jimmy: were you fun back then? >> well, i was inebriated. >> jimmy: you like to go to bed early? >> i do, i do. i'm 46. but it's more like 64. >> jimmy: yeah.
it really is. >> these slippers are on at 5:30. and i like to be you know, an hour into my sleep at 9:00. >> jimmy: do you really go to bed at 9:00? >> i like to go to bed very early. because that 3-year-old, the one who doesn't know how to speak too good, she's up at 6:00 trying to learn how to speak better. i got to listen to it. >> jimmy: you got to get your nine hours in or else you're a mess. >> right. >> jimmy: that's a lot of sleep, isn't it? >> well, no. it's not really a lot of sleep. i think aren't you supposed to get nine? you're supposed to get nine. if you can get nine, you get it. >> jimmy: if you get nine, you're like in the hospital. >> unemployed. >> jimmy: or our 12. >> what do you get? >> jimmy: in the summer. >> what do you get? >> jimmy: i don't know, six and a half, seven. i'd like nine. >> because you're getting up early or going to bed late? >> jimmy: both. i have a 1-year-old daughter. she gets and up comes in and sits on my head and claws me. >> what time is she getting up? >> jimmy: she gets up at 6:45.
>> you're going to bed at -- you stay up, you watch this? >> jimmy: well, i have to, yeah. you're watching this? >> jimmy: i like to say good night to myself before i go to bed, yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: who wouldn't? that's what you do. you know, i got into this business to entertain primarily myself. sleeping is the most important thing. when you're a kid you hate to do it. but when you become an adult? >> it's the greatest thing ever. i love it. there's an old guy laughing over there, he knew. >> jimmy: at what age did you start to love it? sleep? >> when i had those two little kids. >> jimmy: that's when it happened? >> yeah. every day -- every day is monday morning to them. every day they wake and up it's like it's time to go to the assembly line to go work. it's like, no, it's saturday, you can sleep till 10:00 in the morning today. they don't care. it's go time. they'll start working on sentences. >> jimmy: when i was a kid, they would put us in front of
the television and let us watch cartoons. now people frown on that and you have to do it secretly. >> i don't frown on it at all. first of all, there's some great television for kids to be watching. >> jimmy: what are the good shows? >> i'm not going to -- i need to be paid for endorsements. [ laughter ] >> you're laughing like a guy who's got a bankful of it. but, you know -- you got your nick jr., disney channel. we didn't have that. when i was a kid. we had -- pbs, god bless them, "sesame street," "electric company." i loved that stuff, right? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we had "the little rascals." the little rascals when i watched them those actors were already in their 60s. >> right. >> jimmy: it's weird, a kid you're watching other kids who are dead. you know? >> right. you're watching them during the cute portion of their lives. >> jimmy: yeah, then you find out as you grow up, spanky died in a motel with a gun in his waistband. not spanky, alfalfa was the real troublemaker.
>> right, and darla was shooting it all. is that her name? >> jimmy: yeah, darla was up to no good. we've covered almost nothing. we're supposed to. when we come back, and we will come back -- >> we'll get into this. >> jimmy: before we come back, i want to say good night to myself. jason bateman is here. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ . it's amazing. this is amazing. thats amazing! real people are discovering surprising things at chevy. we're sold. it's so pretty. they're good-looking cars. it feels great. perfect. this is not what i would expect from a chevy at all. get more than you expect, for less than you imagined at the chevy 72 hour sale. now, get zero percent financing for seventy-two months on most 2015 chevy vehicles. hurry, the clock is ticking. get yours now. find new roads at your local chevy dealer. imagine - she won't have to or obsess about security. she'll log in with her smile. he'll have his very own personal assistant. and this guy won't just surf the web.
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i'm apologizing to you. well? >> well, what? >> you accept my apology? >> it's too late for that. >> got it. okay. you know, i was willing. >> were you, though? >> yeah, what do you think i'm doing here? >> see, you're done with the past. the past is not done with you. >> jimmy: that is jason bateman, "the gift." which is -- i thought this was a really great movie. unsettling. >> it's unsettling. >> jimmy: creepy in the best possible way. >> it's not funny. it's not funny, guys. >> jimmy: it is not funny. tell everybody what this is about. >> this is basically about, if somebody that you went to high school with, you haven't seen since high school, comes into
your life 20 years later, 25 years later in this one, and you kind of in a very pleasant way give that person your phone number and say, we should have dinner or something like that. and then they call you and then they're over at your place having dinner and then they're back the next week and the week after that. and it gets a little creepy and a little uncomfortable. and if they force you to dismiss them perhaps out of your life because you're getting some weird signals, it can get uncomfortable and they might force you to do something that hurts their feelings and then things get dangerous. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so watch your facebook. watch how friendly you are to people you might see on the street that you went to high school with. >> jimmy: i don't know if you track these kind of thins but you have a perfect 100% rating on rotten tomatoes. every critic who watched it liked it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's a very good sign. >> well, first of all, joel edgerton can take credit for that because he wrote, produced, directed, starred in this. and the other piece of bad news
is only seven critics have weighed in at this point. so while it is 7 for 7, it is early, jimmy. >> jimmy: it's early. i think it's going to do all right, though. 7 for 7 is a good start. have you been going to dodgers games this the season? >> as many as i can. it's not a great look for a father of two to be at every home game, which is how i used to do it? without his children, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> it's good if the kids are there. now i drag the 8-year-old there and she digs it. there's a lot of sweet and salty stuff there, great food at dodger stadium, a good show they put on, and great wi-fi for, you know, netflix, whatever streaming service you're into, in the fourth inning forward. >> jimmy: i see. you are watching that? >> her, she's into it. >> jimmy: she's watching that. have you ever thrown out the first pitch at a dodgers game? >> no. >> jimmy: you haven't? >> i haven't. i'm such a crazy fan for this team that i -- by doing that, i feel like i'd be behind the curtain a little bit. like i'd get maybe chummy with
one of the players. and like that would ruin it. i love geeking out as a fan, right? i did do it at an arizona -- they call themselves the d-backs. i call them the d-bags. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: seemed like a bad choice. >> not smart. >> jimmy: the diamondbacks, right. >> threw out a pitch for the d-bags about five years ago. and of course the dodgers were playing them. it was in phoenix. and i was not going to have my beloved in the dugout looking at me throwing out a pitch for their division rival. >> jimmy: fernando valenzuela, you mean? >> right. anyway, i wanted to wear my dodger hat to throw out the pitch. and of course the d-bag higher-up, he wasn't having that. >> jimmy: right, yeah, you're on they are field, they don't want that. >> he gave me one of his hats for me to wear throwing out the pitch on their mound. oh, yeah, sure, i'll do that. i put the dodger hat in my back
pocket, got out to the mound, threw the diamondbacks hat and put on the dodger hat. threw the pitch. >> jimmy: there you are, all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> decent form. i did not fall over immediately after that. >> jimmy: nice form. >> i threw a seed, i was very happy i didn't bounce it. but as you can see there, yeah, i put the dodger hat on right before i threw it. and of course this got their mascot all ticked off. >> jimmy: right. >> got some crazy coyote running around there, right? >> jimmy: he is. >> like a bobcat. >> jimmy: bobcat. >> if you're going to call yourself the diamondbacks, put the mascot in a snake costume. slither out and come after me. so the bobcat chases after me. and he rips off the dodger hat, throws it on the ground, stomps on it. you know. of course everybody goes crazy for that. >> jimmy: yeah, right. yeah. >> can't get crazy about it anymore.
>> jimmy: you were humiliated by a man in a cat costume. >> what's humiliating, having a hot tub in your center field. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: jason bateman, everybody! take that diamondbacks. "the gift" opens a week from tomorrow. be right back with nicole richie! for the things we cherish and the ones we love each and every one of us has a natural, human instinct to cover. covering is caring. because covering heals 5 days faster. band-aid brand
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>> jimmy: still to come, music from stephen marley. a dozen years after helping usher in the era of reality tv on "the simple life," our next guest is at it again with "candidly nicole." it airs wednesday nights at 11:00 on vh1. please welcome nicole richie! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: nicole, i got the idea from your game playing on "name that thing" that you are not a competitive person, that you did not take the game seriously,
yes? >> okay -- a few things. first of all, i thought i did a really good job. >> jimmy: hm. bad job. no, no, no. you were cheating. >> okay. >> jimmy: you didn't really try to guess any of the things, which is the object of the game. >> right. >> jimmy: should i go on? >> okay. i'll accept it, okay. >> jimmy: weren't you a competitive figure skater at one time? >> i was. but it's not -- it's not a team sport. so, i mean, of course you're competing but -- you know. i mean, i'm really -- i was really by myself. >> jimmy: is figure skating a team sport? no, it's an individual sport. >> no, that's what i'm saying. so i'm not -- that whole -- >> jimmy: you and jason weren't on the same team. you know that right? >> he was wearing gray. i thought he knew what he was talking about. you know? >> jimmy: that was the problem, you weren't cheating, you thought it was teamwork. >> yeah. >> jimmy: well, you can't spell teamwork without cheating, i guess. >> right. yes. that's my philosophy. >> jimmy: tell me about this show. there's one thing in particular i'm interested in. that is your -- you seem to really enjoy torturing your father, who most people know is lionel richie, a guy who i'm
like -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm obsessed with. you really love screwing with him, don't you? >> i do. i do. i do really love it. but you know what, he's got a great sense of humor. and he, like myself, is down for anybody to laugh. even if that means that he's the butt of the joke, he's totally fine with it. >> jimmy: he is? >> as long as people are having a good time. so he's kind of always my first target. >> jimmy: what are some of the things you've done to him/are going to do to him? >> well, this show "candidly nicole" started as a web series. and in the web series, i was learning about bees. from learning about them i decided to get bees. but i don't want them in my house. i've got two kids. you know. so i have the hive set up at my dad's house. as a present. as a christmas present. and i told him by blindfolding him and putting him in a beekeeper suit and walking him
into a swarm of bees. >> jimmy: and did he ever at any time say, why are you putting me into a beekeeper suit? >> he was blindfolded so he didn't really know until the head piece came on. >> jimmy: that's how they should have done the "hello" video. instead of the sculpture of your dad's head it should have been bees the woman put her hands on. >> totally. >> jimmy: he never gets mad when you do this stuff? >> one year on -- technically it wasn't april fools. it was 4:00 in the morning the next day. but i like to wait till april fools is over then come in for the kill. >> jimmy: that's a good move. >> i had a guy friend of mine wake him from a dead sleep at around 3:30 or 4:00 in the morning and say they were the nevada police and i've been arrested. >> jimmy: oh. great. >> at the time, it didn't go over well. but it's one of his favorite stories. >> jimmy: is it really? >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: what did they say you were arrested for? i don't think we should encourage it, i really don't.
>> i do. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you said -- is this your manager that you told one of our producers that your manager looks just like me? >> he looks exactly like you. >> jimmy: does he really? because a lot of people say they look like me. >> it's actually -- >> jimmy: it's almost insulting. >> no, i don't even think it's a matter of opinion. >> jimmy: is he here with you tonight? >> he is here. >> jimmy: okay. >> he's backstage. >> jimmy: does he know he looks like me? >> i tell him. >> jimmy: i see. >> people stop him all the time. >> jimmy: they to? >> valet parking, when we're at restaurants. he looks just like you. i'm telling you. >> jimmy: does he do anything weird that would somehow get blamed on me? >> possibly. >> jimmy: great. well, can we have a look at him? is he available? guillermo, i know he's in the green room or something. >> i don't see why not. >> jimmy: bring him out. what's his name?
>> his name is michael and he does not know that i'm about to drag him on the show right now. >> jimmy: you really are the hardest on the people closest to you, it seems. all right. well, here we go. where -- oh, he's in the other door, okay. oh, there he is. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, he does kind of look like me. michael, do you find it flattering or insulting when people -- >> flattering. >> jimmy: flattering? >> beyond flattering. >> jimmy: yeah, there is a kind of -- how old are you? may i ask? >> 47. >> jimmy: oh, so we're exactly the same age. >> there you go. >> jimmy: yeah, you do kind of look like me. >> right? >> jimmy: i'd love to take next week off if you'll fill in -- >> i'm busy but thank you. >> jimmy: i don't feel insulted. usually the guys weigh at least 270 pounds when they look like me. >> can i go now? thank you, michael. [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: i could potentially collect 10% of your salary now. >> i agree. i would like to collect 10% of your salary. >> jimmy: all right, we'll take an exchange of some kind. nicole richie, everybody. watch her show, "candidly nicole," wednesday nights on vh1. be right back with stephen marley! >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is present by samsung. consideration i'd like to put in my 15-year notice. you're quitting!? technically retiring, sir. with a little help from my state farm agent,
i plan to retire in 15 years. wow! you're totally blindsiding me here. who's gonna manage your accounts? this is a devastating blow i was not prepared for. well, i'm gonna finish packing my things. 15 years will really sneak up on you. jennifer with do your exit interview and adam made you a cake. red velvet. oh, thank you. i made this. take charge of your retirement. talk to a state farm agent today.
>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is present by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank jason bateman, nicole richie, and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first, this is the 30th anniversary edition of "legend, the best of bob marley and the wailers." here with the song "jamming," stephen marley! ♪ ♪ ♪ we're jammin' i wanna jam it with you we're jammin' jammin' and i hope you ♪
♪ like jammin' too ain't no rules ain't no vow we can do it anyhow ♪ ♪ i and i will see you through 'cause every day we pay the price ♪ ♪ we are the living sacrifice jammin' till the jam is through ♪ ♪ we're jammin' to think that jammin' was a thing of the past ♪ ♪ we're jammin' and i hope this jam is gonna last no bullet can ♪ ♪ stop us now we neither beg nor we won't bow neither can be ♪ ♪ bought nor sold we all defend the right jah jah children must unite for life is worth ♪ ♪ much more than gold we're jammin' jammin' jammin' jammin' and we're jammin' ♪ ♪ in the name of the lord we're jammin' jammin' jammin' jammin'
we're jammin' right ♪ ♪ straight from yard singing holy mount zion holy mount zion jah sitteth in mount zion ♪ ♪ and rules all creation yeah we're jammin' bop-chu-wa-wa-wa we're jammin' ♪ ♪ bop-chu-wa-wa-wa i wanna jam it with you we're jammin' jammin' jammin' jammin' ♪ ♪ and hope you like jammin'too ♪ and jam down hope you're jammin' too jah knows how much i 'ave tried ♪ ♪ the truth cannot hide to keep you satisfied true love that now exists is the love ♪ ♪ i can't resist so jam by my side we're jammin' jammin' jammin' jammin' ♪
this is "nightline." >> tonight -- police pursuit. we are behind the wheel for an up close look at what really happens when a regular ride turns into a high-speed car chase. and the too often fatal consequences for innocent bystanders. >> plus, the makers of these glasses say they're opening up a world of color for the color blind. could this be the silver bullet so many have been waiting for? >> for this guy, it might just be. >> i have never seen street lights have color before. >> and extreme adventurers on a quest for the ultimate slip-and-slide. a stone path, a 35-foot drop. forget your amusement parks, this is mother nature's idea of summer fun.